Showing posts with label Film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Film. Show all posts

Saturday, March 10, 2012


John Carter may be a nice flick, as he's the good savior of the fictional world of Barsoom, however John Carter's spirit is clearly that of a person who is against the teachings of Jesus Christ. The teachings of Christ are of affection, as anyone who peruses the books of the new testament will see for themselves. However, John Carter gave nothing and however takes everything in his pursuit of war and greed, as such he's a person against Christ Jesus.

John Carter may be a former yankee civil war cavalryman from the southern states who is in pursuit of a cave of gold within the western territories of the u.  s.. His epic quest leads him into bother when he encounters a Thern, an alien from another planet. when murdering the alien in self-defense, John Carter is transported to Barsoom, the fourth planet in our solar system. He arrives stranded within the desert, however soon learns he has superman-like powers.

Throughout most of the film, John Carter is in constant pursuit of his riches, the cave of gold. He slaughters untold numbers of individuals, creatures and aliens to hunt his wealth, in an exceedingly Conan-like manner. His transient respite from the onslaught is barely briefly interrupted by his love for lady|the lady|the girl} the wealthiest woman on Barsoom, the princess of Mars.

After John Carter finally returns back to Earth, the viewer is truly deceived into believing that his love for the princess has conquered his love of cash. However, the wealth of gold that John Carter leaves behind on Earth for his second returning to Barsoom, shows that John Carter never repented of his worldly ways that, he simply traded one pot of gold on Earth for a bigger pot of gold on Mars.

John Carter, the Pursuit of Wealth and Fortune

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Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Emmy Awards are a big ocean liner that turns very slowly, and this year's nominations, announced this morning, were no exception: a lot of familiar faces and a few new (or old but underrecognized) entries. So there were a slew of nominations for Mad Men, Modern Family and [Insert Name of HBO's Big Movie/Miniseries of the Year Here].

But let's focus on the newbies and the pleasant surprises first. It was also a good morning for HBO's newcomers, Boardwalk Empire and Game of Thrones (the latter well-deserved but a mild surprise in the best-series category). And while clear eyes and full hearts definitely can lose, they can at least get nominated: Friday Night Lights finally got a richly earned Best Drama nomination for its final season.

The nominations are always a big info dump to process (see the Emmys website to download a complete list of nominations) and I'm sure that there are insights/outrages that will occur to me later. But here are some off-the-bat reactions:

* With Breaking Bad out of eligibility this year, there was a little more room in the drama categories (especially actor, which Bryan Cranston had won three years running). I assume this year is Jon Hamm's turn (though I can't count out Buscemi), but I was also happy to see Timothy Olyphant pick up an open slot. Yes, Justified should have been nominated--I'd sub it for Dexter--but given that nomination, Walton Goggins', Jeremy Davies' and especially Margo Martindale's, I can't complain too much. (I will complain, again, about John Noble's omission, and the snubbing of Fringe in general.)

* Speaking of drama, The Good Wife seems to have the permanent One Nominated Broadcast Drama slot now (I'm not counting FNL); also, nominations for not only Julianna Margulies and Archie Panjabi, but Christine Baranski, Josh Charles and Alan Cumming. Sorry, Chris Noth.

* As I remind myself every year, awards shows in general are silly and not worth getting worked up about. To the extent that Emmys do matter, though, it can be giving a lease on life to good low-rated shows, convincing their networks to keep them on for prestige. This year, TNT's excellent Men of a Certain Age is looking for help, but while Andre Braugher's nomination is deserved, I suspect the show could have used more than that.

* OK, comedy. I guess Community is now officially in The Wire's role of "show whose renegade status is honored with a lack of nominations," or something. Making up for that: nominations for Parks and Recreation (should win but won't) as best comedy and Louis CK for both acting and writing. Making up for that in turn: the omission of Nick Offerman, for whom I would have made room with one of Modern Family's four[!] supporting actor nominations. (Delighted to see Sofia Vergara acknowledged for a great season, though; she was the series MVP this year.)

* Also in that category: yes, Glee got a nomination, but dig down into the list (beyond Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch) and I don't think Emmy was any more wowed by season 2 than the rest of us.

* I generally take Movie and Miniseries even less seriously than any other Emmy group, because there are so few to compete in the category anymore. Even at that I was surprised that Reelz's sluggish The Kennedys picked up nominations as a miniseries and in the acting category. I'll guess Mildred Pierce to win, though I'd personally give it to Downton Abbey this year. (And fingers crossed for Idris Elba in Luther.)

* As others have noted, there may be sort of a generational shift going on in the late-night comedy competition: neither David Letterman nor Jay Leno's shows were nominated as series, with nods going to Conan, Jimmy Fallon, Bill Maher, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and Saturday Night Live. (OK, that last: maybe not so much evidence of a generational shift.)

* Lest you think I'm only interested in crowing about the nominations for my favorite shows credit where due to Melissa McCarthy and Martha Plimpton for actress noms in two sitcoms (Mike and Molly and Raising Hope) that are not on my must-watch list. But I'm still rooting for Amy Poehler. On the other hand, Kathy Bates is a great actress, but she has no business being nominated for Harry's Law, a show which only permits overacting.

* Also in the deserved-nomination-for-a-show-I-rarely-watch: Cat Deeley, as host of So You Think You Can Dance. I'm serious! I don't know if she has a chance in the category, but she's an underrated host, pulling off the tougher-than-it-looks job of bringing personality to SYTYCD without making it about her.

* Finally, I know there's a big Game of Thrones contingent at this site: the show had a good freshman year at the Emmys, but it's interesting to see where it got its nominations. It got a series nod but only one major acting nomination--Dinklage, natch--which, not to diss anyone, seems about right for a series in which the story was the star, despite several strong ensemble performances. On the other hand, I'm a little stunned it didn't get a theme-music nomination, though it deservedly got recognized for its title sequence, which I assume will crush Boardwalk Empire's flood of whiskey bottles.

And with that, I am tired of typing. Bring on your cheers and grievances, and place your bets!

Emmy Nominations 2011: The Good, the Bad and the Surprises

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Could this man make it as a UFC fighter?

Could this man make it as a UFC fighter?

Jason Mamoa will be kicking some celluloid ass this weekend as the star of Conan the Barbarian, the Hollywood remake of the 1982 action picture of the same name starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He's got the look and he's certainly got the build, but does he have the skills to make it as a UFC fighter? Here's what the Hawaiian actor told ESPN.com:

"Oh, no. Those guys, they're amazing. I act it. I'm not really tough. I'm definitely not to that level at all. [The UFC event I attended] was the [expletive] coolest thing I've ever seen."

Any fight fans plan on checking out the new Conan flick this weekend? Or is this just a tired retread of a classic Ah-nuld film that should have been left alone?

Take a look at the trailer (after the jump) and decide for yourself.

Could Conan the Barbarian make it as a UFC fighter?

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Monday, July 11, 2011

Curb Your Enthusiasm returned on the air after quite a long hiatus - and the season eight premiere proved why it is one of the best comedies on television.

"The Divorce" picked up right where “Seinfeld” left off, and neither the show nor Larry David skipped a beat.

Cheryl Hines and Larry David

It was awkward. It was funny. It made you question LD’s life. It was Curb, and it was fantastic! I love that they tore Larry and Cheryl apart so quickly at the start of the episode, and through the magic of time jumping, got them all the way through a divorce by the end of the 30 minutes.

Between Larry’s statement that he can call other bald guys “baldy” because it’s like black people calling each other the N word, Susie ripping Jeff a new one for even thinking she wouldn’t take him for all he’s worth if they ever got divorced, and Leon recommending Funkhouser put “Just Divorced” on the back of his car, the laughs didn’t stop.

Here at the TV Fanatic, we will be looking at many of the ridiculous situations Larry David gets himself into week after week. Check out are three from “The Divorce.” Be sure to weigh in on how you think LD handled the problem, and how you would react in the same spot:

The Buffet
LD’s Stance: Larry thought that since he gets “all he can eat” that he can share with everyone and anyone at his table.
My Perspective: Absolutely no way! Although it may be legal according to Larry’s terrible new lawyer, it is in no way proper to do at a buffet. When you order a meal at a restaurant, it's fine if you want to share some of it with others at your table, but when you order from an “All You Can Eat” buffet, you are forfeiting all rights to help your fellow eaters out. That is why you always order from the buffet if it has anything on it that you want.

Girl Scout Cookies
LD’s Stance: Larry thought that since he had not yet paid for his girl scout cookies, he did not need to go through with the payment for them once he lost the Dodger tickets.
My Perspective: I’m with him on this one. No matter what his reason was for ordering the cookies... if he hadn’t already paid for them, there is definitely no requirement to go through with the transaction. Having said that, if I were in that situation with those nice little girls, I would have given in and paid in a heartbeat.

The First Time
LD’s Stance: When Kiera got her first period, Larry thought it was a great idea to run upstairs and get one of Cheryl’s tampons to help the girl out. He then decided to walk her through the process, step-by-step!
My Perspective: That is something only a woman should be helping a young girl with. If you're basically a stranger, like LD was in this situation, you immediately call the woman that can get to your house the fastest so that she can help out. Curb is always great with awkward, but that scene was so uncomfortable it ceased to be funny.

Of course, there are plenty of great quotes from LD and friends, so here are some of our favorites from “The Divorce," and don't forget to check out the Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes page for more. What was your favorite moment of the season eight premiere? And aren’t you glad to have Larry back in your life?

Larry: You should have recused yourself. We can't go up against each other. It's in the code. The bald code. | permalink
Susie: What are you f**king kidding me? You think we're gonna have a nice divorce if we ever get divorced. No f**king way. I'm taking you for everything you have Mister. I'm taking your balls, and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall. | permalink
Kiera: Do you like girl scout cookies?
Larry: I find them abhorrent, but come in. | permalink
Larry: Why don't you get a divorce?
Funkhouser: I'm too lazy. | permalink
Larry: First of all, I commend you on the demographics. A Black, an Asian, and are you a Jew per chance? | permalink
Larry: I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything! | permalink

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 8 Premiere Review

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Natasha Richardson completed her flight from Canada to New York, and then apparently to Lenox Hill Hospital amid fresh reports the Tony-award-winning actress is.

Streetcar was last seen on Broadway in 2005 starring Natasha Richardson, Amy Ryan and John C, Reilly. Front Row Production's multi-racial production of A Streetcar Named Desire is a follow-up to their highly successful Broadway production of Cat on a

The role, a biggie for Brando, was last played on the Great White Way by John C. Reilly, opposite the late Natasha Richardson's Blanche DuBois. No announcement of Underwood's Blanche, or Stella, yet, but stay tuned.

Natasha Richardson completed her flight from Canada to New York, and then apparently to Lenox Hill Hospital amid fresh reports the Tony-award-winning actress is brain dead and family are saying goodbye.

'Chloe,' Liam Neeson movie from the Natasha Richardson tragedy, makes its debut

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Couple of hours after the PPV, here’s scene group TARGET with a DVDRip for the movie ‘Arthur‘, a movie starring Russell Brand. This release comes with AC3 audio and the size is 2CD. Enjoy! :)

(UPDATE) Group TWiZTED PROPER TARGET’s DVDRip release of this movie for this reason.
Arthur.PROPER.DVDRip.XviD-TWiZTED
NFONewTorrents SearchFiLESERVEWUpload

Plot: Irresponsible charmer Arthur Bach (Russell Brand) has always relied on two things to get by: his limitless fortune and the good sense of lifelong nanny Hobson (Helen Mirren) to keep him out of trouble. Now he faces his biggest challenge–choosing between an arranged marriage that will ensure his lavish lifestyle or an uncertain future with the one thing money can’t buy, Naomi (Greta Gerwig), the only woman he has ever loved. With Naomi’s inspiration and some unconventional help from Hobson, Arthur will take the most expensive risk of his life and finally learn what it means to become a man, in this re-imagining of the classic romantic comedy “Arthur.”

Genre: Comedy
IMDB rating: 5.3/10
Directed by: Jason Winer
Starring: Russell Brand, Helen Mirren and Jennifer Garner

Release Name: Arthur.2011.DVDRip.XviD-TARGET
Size: 2 CD (1.39 GB)
Quality: 640×352, 1,380 kbps, AC3 384 kbps
Runtime: 110 mins

Links: iMDBHOMEPAGETrailerTinySubs
Sample: Video
NFO: Here
Torrent: NewTorrents

Download: FiLESERVEFiLESONiCWUpload
Check Update above for the PROPER version

Arthur PROPER DVDRip XviD-TWiZTED

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If you thought the first Apollo 18 trailer gave away too much about what the American astronauts found on their secret moon mission, then this trailer is for you. It shows far less of what is going on, all while playing up the imminent moon doom for the NASA’s best and brightest. There’s no more historical setup, no more “This Footage Has Not Been Altered” messages, just a few shots of two astronauts who land on the moon, then find trouble. It’s very Paranormal Activity in its desire to keep you in the dark. And it’s probably for the best, as the less we know about this oft-delayed project, the better. See for yourself after the jump.

To the history books Apollo 17 was NASA’s last Apollo mission, but an undocumented and covert operation to the moon was made by Apollo 18, which revealed disturbing evidence of new life forms.

Apollo 18 is due in theaters September 2, 2011.

Second ‘Apollo 18′ Trailer Still Holding On to the Mystery

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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Hawthorne S03E01 HDTV XviD-P0W4

P0W4 have released the Season Premiere of TNT’s “Hawthorne”.

For Better or Worse.

Christina and Tom’s wedding arrives, but a series of events cause an interesting twist to the day’s events. Detective Nick Renata returns to investigate an attack at the hospital. And Candy goes into labor.

Links: HOMEPAGETV.com

Hawthorne S03E01 HDTV XviD-P0W4

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In 3-D.

Not to be outdone by Lionsgate’s forward-thinking strategy of affixing some cheap stereoscopic siding over a creaky, paint-slapped old property, Hannibal Classics has announced plans to reboot, again, the Amityville Horror franchise with the spin-off The Amityville Legacy 3-D. And perhaps realizing that the long-running haunted-house story is by now so predictable, where plot is secondary to the “dazzling set pieces” that are the only remaining reason to see the same slightly variegated scares, the company has issued in its press release a ridiculously detailed synopsis of exactly what will happen in the movie—spoiling every “surprise” along the way—that you can read right here. Of course, anyone headed to see this isn’t exactly looking for surprises, we suppose, but rarely do you see a film so aware of its own formula that it doesn’t mind just printing the contents right on the can. It’s kind of ballsy, actually. Balls 3-D.

The Amityville Horror gets its own 3-D something something

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Saturday, June 11, 2011

After developing into a cult classic back in 2004, Napoleon Dynamite will return as a new cartoon on Fox Network. The show’s trailer seems to be garnering mixed reactions on YouTube with a split between fans and haters. A release featuring the full movie cast is slated for mid-season 2012. We look forward to a new array of stupid one-liners.

Napoleon Dynamite Cartoon Trailer

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Saturday, June 4, 2011

A few years ago, 20th Century Fox realized they needed a way to extend the cash-cow X-Men franchise into infinity and beyond, so they decided to create a new X-Men prequel. This prequel would focus on the relationship between two iconic X characters, tracing how they went from best friends to mortal enemies. Although based on comic book mythology, every aspect of this relationship was reinvented for the film: How the two characters met, their history of working together, the nature of their friendship, how they became nemeses, everything.

But this prequel would also need to introduce a new variety of mutant heroes and villains — action figures must be sold, spin-offs must be spun, attractive young actors need work. So the prequel would feature a cavalcade of characters plucked, apparently at random, from nearly half a century of collective X-Men history. Most of these characters had never even interacted in the comic books. Almost everything about them — motivation, age, general temperament, personal history — was altered to fit the resettled movie timeline. The average moviegoer wouldn’t notice any of this. The average comic book fan would be driven mad.

The prequel would feature a cute but somewhat nonsensical cameo from a major character from the original X trilogy. It would awkwardly plug its central characters into key historical events. And it would end with a completely invented sequence involving an uncannily well-placed bullet — a magical mythology bullet, considering how much that single gunshot would define the character’s future.

That prequel was, of course, 2009′s X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a critically derided movie that’s widely recognized in the fan community as a low point for the X franchise. (Despite the massive grosses, even the studio seems to realize Wolverine didn’t go over well; note how adamant Fox has been that the sequel, dubbed simply The Wolverine, will essentially stand apart from the original film.)

And yet, I also just described the just-released X-Men: First Class, the best-reviewed film in the franchise since the sanctified X2: X-Men United. So if these two movies are so similar on paper, what makes Wolverine a bad movie, and First Class a good one?

Comic book fans, by and large, tend to put a lot of value on adaptations that stay true to the comic books. This is understandable: If you have endured the 1990 Captain America (Red Skull = Italian?), or Shaquille O’Neal’s Steel (an unjustly overlooked possibility for the Worst Movie Ever Made Award), or the latter Christopher Reeve Superman movies, you can understand why fans would be naturally anxious about making any sweeping changes to their beloved characters. With the rising importance of the Comic-Con demographic, studios tend to stress their devotion to the original material — there’s a reason that practically every Marvel movie still makes room for a Stan Lee cameo, as if the mere presence of the iconic comic book creator could serve as a rubberstamp for “authenticity.” Call it Adaptation Anxiety.

And yet, in actuality, most of the best comic book adaptations decisively break from the source material. The original X-Men turned Rogue into a teenager, and X2 completely reinvented iconic villain William Stryker, from a fundamentalist preacher into a corrupt military scientist. Alfred Molina’s Doctor Octopus in Spider-Man 2 scarcely resembles his comic book namesake. That’s also true of one of the most iconic onscreen supervillains: Heath Ledger’s Joker. Essentially everything about Dark Knight‘s Joker — the Taliban-esque obsession with bombs, the Glasgow Smile, the complete lack of any origin story — was invented for the movie.

You could argue that Christopher Nolan’s interpretation of the Joker was thematically true to the comic books, if not objectively. And you’d be right. But that’s also true of all the Freudian stuff in Ang Lee’s Hulk, a film that radically reconfigured basically everything about the iconic green giant besides his tendency to get bigger when he gets angry. Comic book fans tend to hate on Hulk. But Marvel’s attempt to reboot the character with the vastly more comic-bookish The Incredible Hulk weirdly falls even flatter. (Likewise, the Garth Ennis-inflected Punisher: War Zone is markedly worse than the “In Miami, Why Not?” Thomas Jane version of The Punisher.)

I was a voracious comic book fan growing up. But I’m also a movie fan, and I tend to prefer films that daringly depart from the source material. The slavish Sin City and 300 adaptations have all the overbearing machismo of the Frank Miller source material with none of the quiet power. Watching them is like watching a motion comic, and good holy Lord, there is nothing worse in this life than watching a motion comic.

And the bigger problem with Adaptation Anxiety is that people tend to focus on the wrong issues. Zack Snyder spent years of his life assuring everyone that he was doing his level best to provide a note-perfect translation of Watchmen from the page to the screen. And indeed, the resulting movie looked incredible: It’s a beautiful love letter to Dave Gibbons’ original artwork. But the film completely bungled Laurie Jupiter: Such a chainsmoking force in the comic book, she became little more than a wan galpal, which turned Watchmen into even more of a dudes’ movie than it had to be. Watchmen looked perfect… but looks can be deceiving.

All of which brings us back to the X-Men prequel duet, to Wolverine‘s generally observed badness vs. First Class‘s generally observed goodness. I think it comes down, ultimately, to one major difference: First Class is a movie that happens to be about superheroes, while Wolverine is a “superhero movie.” By which I mean, First Class feels, for much of its running time, more like a spy thriller from the ’60s (or a Dirty Dozen-ish gang-of-hoodlums film) than an imitation of Spider-Man.

Nearly every great superhero movie picks a genre and sticks with it: The Dark Knight is a Michael Mann thriller with a couple of dudes wearing costumes; Hellboy II is a fantasy film; Spider-Man 2 and Iron Man both feel like screwball comedies occasionally interrupted by action sequences; and Superman Returns, which I will defend until my dying day, is basically The Passion of the Christ, except more realistic. Conversely, films like Ghost Rider, Daredevil, the first Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, the first Wolverine, and even Thor feel essentially very similar: An origin story, a love interest, an enemy with lots of henchmen, and a non-ending that serves as a tease for a potential sequel.

That’s my theory, but I’m interested to hear what you think, comic book fans. Do you think that superhero movies succeed depending on how much they adhere to the source material? Or would you prefer that filmmakers feel less strait-jacketed to the comic books? And what did you think of the specific changes made for X-Men: First Class? Seriously, what’s up with all the magic mythology bullets in these X prequels?

'X-Men: First Class': How much should superhero films follow the comic book?

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Here we have a first R5 of film “Hanna” released by p2p group EP1C. It is a 2011 American action thriller film directed by Joe Wright. The film stars Irish actress Saoirse Ronan as the title character with Eric Bana and Cate Blanchett. Release looks good, nice Video quality and they got line audio aswell. Check the Sample yourself.

Plot: Hanna (Ronan) is a teenage girl. Uniquely, she has the strength, the stamina, and the smarts of a soldier; these come from being raised by her father (Bana), an ex-CIA man, in the wilds of Finland. Living a life unlike any other teenager, her upbringing and training have been one and the same, all geared to making her the perfect assassin. The turning point in her adolescence is a sharp one; sent into the world by her father on a mission, Hanna journeys stealthily across Europe while eluding agents dispatched after her by a ruthless intelligence operative with secrets of her own (Ms. Blanchett). As she nears her ultimate target, Hanna faces startling revelations about her existence and unexpected questions about her humanity.

Genre: Action | Crime | Mystery
iMDB Rating: 7.5/10 (9,195 votes)
Directed by: Joe Wright
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Cate Blanchett and Eric Bana

Release Name: Hanna.2011.R5.LiNE.AC3.XViD-EP1C
Size: 1.37 GB
Video: XviD, 720×304, 1 450 Kbps
Audio: AC3, 384 Kbps
Runtime: 1h 46mn

Links: iMDBRTHomepageTrailerTinysubs
Samples: Video | #1 – #2 – #3
NFO: Here
Torrent: NTiTPB

Download:- FiLESERVEWUPLOAD

Hanna 2011 R5 LiNE AC3 XViD-EP1C

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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

With The Dark Knight, we got the first great Batman movie. With Spiderman 2, we got the first great Spiderman movie. We’re still waiting for the first great X-Men movie. Although the mutant Marvel heroes should be a more than adequate mine for motion-picture material, all five film adaptations have come up short. Bryan Singer’s X-Men was bold, but devoid of action. X2 gave us some thrilling sequences, but betrayed its ensemble cast. X3: The Last Stand was … directed by Brett Ratner. X-Men Origins: Wolverine had memory erasing bullets. Needless to say, the series was a fixer-upper by the time Matthew Vaughn was brought on board to helm X-Men: First Class.

If any franchise warranted rebooting, it was this one. Yet First Class fails in much the same way as its predecessors did (or should that be ‘sequels’, considering this one is a prequel?). Although the cast is excellent, and there are a number of nifty hero moments sorely lacking in the other features, the script feels slapdash and the direction shoddy. I had hoped Vaughn would breathe some life into this comic adaptation, as he did in the first half of the joyfully anarchic Kick-Ass. Instead, he falls back on the bad habits he picked up in the second half of that film, where he forgot he was making a razor sharp satire and spoof of cheesy, self-righteous comic book movies, and just made a cheesy, self-righteous comic book movie.

The year is 1962. Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) is a laddish genius who can woo ladies and guzzle down a beer bong with equal aplomb. He’s also a telekinetic mutant, and has offered sanctuary to the blue-skinned shape shifter Raven (Jennifer Lawrence), promising her a better life by teaching her to look “normal” and helping her hide in plain sight. Although he’s not quite a self-hating mutant, he does have a soft spot for simple-minded humans. That’s more than can be said for Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender), a Holocaust survivor on the hunt for the Nazi/ageless mutant Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) responsible for killing his mother and teaching him to harness his magnetic abilities (and I’m not just talking about the way he wears a turtleneck sweater – hi yo!). When Charles, Erik and Raven’s powers are noticed by the CIA, they are recruited to seek out more of “their kind” to bring an end to Shaw, who’s trying to start World War 3 by orchestrating the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Although the picture takes place in the shadow of those infamous thirteen days, there is no sense of impending doom, or even a ticking clock to keep the stakes high. This is not the intriguing alternate version of events I had hoped to see; there are no stimulating ‘what if?’ scenarios to ponder like there was in Watchmen. Vaughn and co-writer Jane Goldman (working on a script by Ashley Edward Miller and Zack Stentz) don’t even take advantage of the civil rights movement of the time. The plight of the X-Men has always been paralleled with that of the LGBT community, and although the ‘coming out of the closet’ analogies remain (“mutant and proud”, as they clumsily remind one another) it comes across without any of the poignancy seen in Singer’s first two pictures. Frankly, this film only feels like it takes place in the sixties because of all the cleavage being revealed by the female cast members.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not without highlights. McAvoy and Fassbender are charming foils for one another. If only Vaughn had spent more time fleshing out their relationship, instead of introducing us to countless other mutants that we won’t even get to know long enough to care about. Lawrence is great as the soon-to-be-Mystique, and gives gravitas to a character that seemed to only be included in previous films because she was naked all the time. Nicholas Hoult is also solid as Beast/Hank McCoy, even though he’s given the lion’s share of terrible lines. The villains fare worse. Kevin Bacon seems to have officially transformed into Gary Cole (which isn’t as awesome as it sounds) and the less said about January Jones (as ice queen Emma Frost) the better.

Before you call me out on it, yes, it’s true, I did indeed give Wolverine a positive review back in 2009. It was a different time! Barack Obama had just become president! We were all filled with blind hope! I recognise my wrongs now, and see many of the same issues present once again in X-Men: First Class. The action sequences feel undercooked (the best one rips off the expert opening from X2); the tension is non-existent; the tone inconsistent. Vaughn hints that he’s aiming for an ‘Adam West’s Batman’ style X-Men film, but just when he starts to have a little fun, you can practically feel him pull back, lest he get too campy or weird. Or fun. At least slashfiction fans will find a veritable treasure trove of sequences featuring Fassbender and McAvoy to inspire some saucy material. At least until the inevitable sequel rolls around. Sixth times a charm?

Second rate – X-Men: First Class review

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